Teh Most Epic Self-Insert Fic Eva 2: Of All Time
by Outlaw Team
Summary: The continuation to my strangely popular fic, well, you should know the title already. Join Ray as he suffers through the torture I put him through! Labelled angst because Ray is now quite angsty. I am listening! So tell me which of Ray's two favorite girls you want to be shipped with him!


**So here we go again. This story will not be updated as much as my others and won't have as many chapters. I want this story to have so many plotholes that I put Michael Bay to shame! Let's do this!**

* * *

So I go to my new story. I am a backup character now. I mainly work with the real me in his un-posted fic _LVDR_. (At least it isn't posted on fanfiction. It is posted on Deviantart, but is unedited.) I sometimes work with Ron again. I have the same role as I do in _LVDR_ when I am in _Scattered Snow_, but I am apparently a bartender in _RWBY Royale_. I like working with the real me more though. Sure, I am a janitor both ways, but at least I don't need to wash semen out of bedsheets in my creator's fics.

Seriously, do you know how hard it is to clean semen out of this cyan hoodie jacket?

**No one messes with my hoodie jacket.**

I finish mopping the floor with my weapon, the Mop of the Covenant, and I begin to return everyone's laundry, which I have recently washed. I knock on Team RWBY's dorm and chuckle at how friendly Ruby is to me. I have to turn down her cookie offer and get back on my way once I have given each team member their laundry. I wave to Lucas, another of my creator's OCs, as I dust off everyone's lockers.

So peaceful.

With a content sigh, I return to my room and go to bed.

Life couldn't be better.

Unless I had my family. I was made with my creator's memories, and I can't help but think back at my previous life. Wait. Why am I thinking about all this?

This is…character development… Something a backup character like me shouldn't be getting!

I wake up quickly and run to the door.

Locked.

"Ron! I know you are causing this! You don't have permission to use me like this anymore, and you know that!" I yell. I can hear my creator crying.

"I'm so sorry…" My creator apologizes. "…but I lost a bet…"

The room fades around me.

It is a story shift, something I am quite used to from my traded use.

It feels like waking up from deep sleep.

I sit up from my bed and shake my head to regain mental stability. I am in the dorm Ron made for me.

Shit.

This is a sequel.

"Congratulations, Ray! This time, you have a reason to finish this plot!" Ron laughs evilly.

"You're not intimidating me with that laugh. I taught you how to do it! Now tell me what the plot is so I can get out of this God-forsaken AU!" I growl.

"That is easy. You are to go on an adventure to find your lost brother."

"Tloj? He is here? He agreed to this?"

"Well, not sure if he agrees, but your creator said it shouldn't be a problem."

"And I need to find him for what reason?"

"To beat the new ultimate evil, Julius Dullahan."

"I made him! He has no power over me! And second… Seriously? Tloj? He's a lazy ass! I won't even eat barbecue ribs unless someone picks the meat off the bone for him!" I argue.

"Julius is as strong as I want him to be. **I** am the one writing this story," Ron finishes before cutting off.

Well, I need to wait for the plot to pull me in. I guess I'll feed Toto and surf the web.

* * *

My plot senses are tingling.

I search my thoughts. I can feel Ron mixing up my thoughts to make it easier for him to manipulate me. I can only go along with it.

The more I allow him to do, the sooner the plot ends.

I head out the door and immediately get knocked over to the ground. I open my eyes and see silver ones looking back at me.

"Sorry! Sorry, Ray!" Ruby apologizes. She still hasn't gotten off of me.

Awkward.

"Ruby, do you remember our…special talk?" I ask.

"No. Why?"

Ron wiped her memories to give us more romantic moments.

I am starting to get pissed off again. "No reason… Can you please get off of me?"

"Oh! Sorry!" Ruby gets off and helps me up.

I see the rest of team RWBY behind her.

"Man, I totally ship that. Even if I have no idea who he is, and he could be anything from a sociopathic murderer to a sadistic rapist," Yang whispers to Blake.

The goddamn fuck.

I can't help but notice a pair of objects on Ruby's head.

Wolf ears.

I stare at them for a little bit before wiping off a smudge of blood that formed under my nose. "Excuse me for a second." I enter my dorm and close the door behind me. "**WHAT FETISHES HAVE YOU PROGRAMMED INTO MY MIND YOU POMPOUS ASSHOLE!?**"

"It's faunus RWBY from Dagger of Faith's AU! People love her that way!" Ron answers. "And you have to admit it is cute now that I have programmed your mind with it."

"So this is cliché fan service? Did you even ask permission to use that?"

"Um…no…"

"Did you get permission to re-program my mind?"

"All a part of the bet!"

"When this fic gets taken down, it is your fault and not mine." I exit my doom and stand in front of team RWBY again. I can feel my nose bleed again as soon as I look at Ruby. "Excuse me again…" I get stopped before I enter my dorm.

"Your nose is bleeding, Ray. Are you alright?" Ruby asked.

As soon as my eyes are level with hers, I get the feeling equivalent to my nose exploding. "No. I believe I am having brain problems from sheer levels of adorable." Shit. Did I just say that? I totally just said that!

Shoot me now…

"O-oh… Well, it happens!" Ruby claimed before running away blushing.

I couldn't help but notice she had a tail as well. I looked up at the rest of team RWBY to see them staring at me. "Well? Go after your leader!"

They all ran after Ruby.

I go back into my dorm once again. "Ron, if you want me to continue, I need to be able to think clearly!"

"Fiiiiiiiine. No more faunus Ruby. Seriously, you suck," Ron responds.

Phew, with that settled, I guess it's time for class. I grab my Mop of the Covenant and put on my uniform. I can't help but hate the formal clothing, but what can I do about that? I am not in my world anymore! I enter class and spend the rest of my day with boring lectures.

At least I wish that was the case.

"You need to fight a bunch of people because you are awesome!" Glynda said as she forced me onto a sparring mat.

I plothole into my fighting wear and hold up my Mop of the Covenant. "Bring it." I am smart enough to know that this is the part I truly prove I am better then everyone.

First fight was against team JNPR as a whole.

Easy pickings.

I can't help but notice an OC standing close by.

He is a dark-haired, brown-eyed boy wearing a pink polo and blue jeans.

Ron must plan for me to fight him.

Bring it the fuck on.

First is team JNPR.

They use hand signals to try to keep me from figuring out their plan.

Screw that!

I easily defeat them with a few swings of my mop. "Nice try." I can't help but smile when I see Ruby cheering for me.

It would be a lot better if a jealous Weiss wasn't next to her.

Why do you have to put me into the love triangle, Ron?

I am barely into this story!

If you can call this a story anyway.

Glynda signals for the OC I saw earlier.

He pulls out a pump action shotgun with a bayonette. (Don't look at me! I don't know how to spell bayonette correctly!) He grins at me. "Ron wanted to give you a challenge!"

I can't help but laugh. "I am unbeatable here! You should know that!"

His grin becomes bigger.

"My name is Petrol Oil, and I am another self-insert."

Fuck.

He fires his gun at me.

I slide under the shots and bring my mop to his head.

He didn't even take any damage.

Wait.

We may be self-inserts, but we are still invincible to each other!

I need an attack that can break through that defense…

Plotholes.

I am going to plothole this battle so fucking hard.

Michael Bay would be so proud of me.

I open a plothole to catch some shots that flew at me. Invincible or not, I am not taking any chances when Ron is my source of power! I open a plothole under Petrol.

Petrol jumps away just in time and opens a plothole behind me. He quickly kicks my left knee.

The pain is unbearable.

What the fuck, Ron!?

You wrote in my knee injury!?

Petrol pushes me into the plothole, but I quickly catch onto one of his legs and pull him in with me.

We grapple in the plothole, fighting for control. If this keeps going, we are both going to drop out of existence.

No, I won't be written out of existence! I will not fall out of reality through something as stupid as a plothole! I focus my self-insert energy.

"Ray! Just let me write in some flight or something! Don't make a plothole inside of a plothole! Even I don't know what that would do!" Ron tries to talk me out of it.

No.

No help from him!

Petrol was trying to move away as well. "Huh. If I am going to die-" He pushed away from me and pulled out a bottle and a Nintendo 3DS. "-I am going to die while playing Pokemon and drinking ginger ale."

Everything in my sight erupts into light as my plothole takes effect.

I hear Ruby call out to me.

* * *

Light.

All I can see is light.

Did I die anyway?

I open my eyes and blink to regain my sight. I check to make sure my body is intact.

Not only is my knee now healed, but I have some mean curves!

Wait what?

I focus around again and notice I am in a hospital bed.

That is all fine and dandy, but why the fuck am I a girl?

"Good going, genius. You plotholed your gender. Now you are not only a girl, but a hot one too," Ron growls.

Fucking-hell-shit-I-hate-my-life-just-kill-me-now.

I feel the area between my legs to make sure this wasn't a dream.

Female parts.

Great.

Now I don't even know how to masturbate...

* * *

**Yeah, as I said, not many chapters are going to be in this one. Petrol Oil belongs to...Petrol Oil. Petrol wanted me to genderswap him, and that gave me the idea to make Ray the ultimate lesbo! Hells yeah! Before you ask, Petrol, I genderswapped you too. Don't worry your fanboy face over it. Leave a review, and tell me if I missed an edit!**


End file.
